And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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