woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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