also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
