The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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