Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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