Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
