oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
