I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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