If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
