Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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