is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
