I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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