dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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