I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
