sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
