I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
