Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
