Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
