I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
