I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
