I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
