Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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