i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
