you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
