I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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