i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
