She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
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