It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
