We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
