Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
