how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ketchup is God's man juice
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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