your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
