You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
