Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
