That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
