Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
