my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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