i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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