I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
