Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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