Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
