I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize