my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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