about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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