i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
