I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
