you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's shark week go big or go home
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
