dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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