I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
