i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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