A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
