He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
