Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Randomize
