Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
