East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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