I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just had sex bonerless
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
