I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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