im drinking this country out of the recession.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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