You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
