I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
