I love black thongs
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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