Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
