it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
