whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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