I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize