Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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