Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize