its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
