I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
