Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
