dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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