i don't plan on having that self control this summer
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
