apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
