so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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